Whether it’s an annual reunion of college friends, or that
optional obligatory Tuesday night office party, playing Dirty Santa is always hit or miss. Sure, they can be fun if you’re the one that ends up with the Starbucks gift card, but are a down right drag if you get stuck with the unscented candles, or worse, From Justin to Kelly on DVD. One way to make sure you come out on top is to be the one that always shows up with the best Dirty Santa gifts. It feels good to set the standard, to be the one standing behind those funny Christmas gifts that get an “Ooooh,” from the crowd, and get stolen again and again. As our present to you, here are the best funny Christmas gifts we could find.
Giant Extremely Large Flask
Bigger is actually better when it comes to funny Christmas gifts. There’s nothing new about giving an engraved flask for Christmas, but when was the last time the recipient could then haul around a half gallon of booze in it? Although engraving might be a challenge if you don’t know who’s going to end up with it, there’s something funny about carrying around a mammoth flask at, say, a wedding reception, with someone else’s initials on it.
Christmas Vacation Moose Mug
Everyone has seen National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation, and everyone remembers Uncle Eddie’s moose mug. Unusual gifts always get a huge reaction, and this Christmas-themed tie-in is perfect for playing Dirty Santa. Guests will be extra vicious about stealing if egg nog is actually being served at the party
A Couple’s Massage Gift Certificate
A gift certificate for a couples massage is on the pricier end of Dirty Santa gift ideas, but let’s consider a few things. Massages have a built-in naughtiness. Everyone says they don’t, but I’ve never told anyone that I got a massage without getting a happy ending reference from an amateur jokester in the room. Couples massages are extra funny if a single person ends up with it, as the floor opens up for everyone else in the room to: 1. Make fun of them for being single, and 2. Suggest the best person to invite, including but not limited to themselves, or 2nd grade teachers.
A Gas Pump Liquor Dispenser
Nothing quite says fun like a boozed up crowd! This Dirty Santa gift is a real crowd pleaser. Fill up this funny gas pump liquor dispenser with booze and let guests mix their own cocktails. What could go wrong?
Again, it’s hard to go wrong with clever Dirty Santa ideas. When it comes to the holidays, liquor on hand is definitely a must-have. One of the most sought-after funny Christmas gifts is a globe decanter. Everyone will love sharing their favorite travel moments after a couple glasses. A sure-fire hit.
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Classy Coffee Mug
Turning to the more practical side of giving, coffee mugs are ubiquitous at holiday parties. It makes sense, though, because anyone with a flat surface can make use of a mug. There are unusual Christmas gifts to be found among this category, however, with an endless array of comical options. Mondays, booze, and the always meta caffeine references, just to name a few.
The Beer Tasting Kit
If your Dirty Santa parties are anything like mine, they involve quite a bit of beer. And if the beer drinkers you know are anything like mine, they are suckers for beer Christmas gifts. Bringing together the holiday traditions of stouts, IPAs, and pilsners, we present the aspiring beer connoisseur. Yes, it’s for all kinds of beer. Yes, it elevates your beer drinking. Yes, it’s great year round. Time for a smoke break!
Incredible Matterhorn Whiskey Glass
Haha! Once again we’ve got an incredible whiskey glass. This time, instead of a crocheted accessory, we’ve got a ridiculously cool, completely unique Matterhorn whiskey glass! Also useful for gentle nudging and annoying your spouse, these awesome Christmas presents make quite a statement when pulled from an inconspicuous gift bag. You might want to buy 2 for double the fun.
A Clearance Item, but Leave the Sticker On
Everyone buys clearance merch for gifts; nobody wants to admit it. Dirty Santa parties are the perfect opportunity to celebrate this taboo practice by wrapping up your purchase with the price sticker still attached. Whether it’s makeup, food, or an iPhone 4 case, all things turn into funny gifts when emblazoned with a red, cryptically numbered clearance sticker.
A Picture of Yourself
Ego and masculinity are birds of a feather, so self portraits are great Christmas gifts for men. Sure, they can always throw your 8 x 10 glossy out and use the frame, but with a dapper jaw line, and a herringbone hat worn at a rakish angle, why would anyone want to?
Wall Mount Bottle Opener
Some of my favorite funny gifts for men are both fun and functional. Why mount a beer opener on your wall? Does it tell time, or charge your Kindle? No. Why put a plain metal bottle opener in your garage? Does it let the whole world know that “The best beer is an open beer?” No. Bring on this wall mounted bottle opener, and you’ve got a Dirty Santa gift that will stand the test of time.
A Rapid Weight Loss Book
Even fitness buffs will be made speechless when unwrapping a rapid weight loss book. There’s 1000s of great titles out there, such as, Thinspired, and Weight-Loss Apocalypse, which make incredible gag gifts for men. Nothing brings a room to it’s knees quite like a grown man in full Christmas sweater regalia looking around a room and asking, “Are you calling me fat?”
Crystal-Clear Sphere Ice Molds
Some ideas for Christmas gifts are just obvious. These sphere ice molds always get a major reaction from the crowd. Useful for travel, music concerts, or impressing your friends, they make great stocking stuffers, too.
This one kills me every time. Kills me! Although there’s no shame in sporting vintage clothing, it’s 100% hilarious to watch someone open up a perfectly wrapped package, removing the glittery bow, and pulling out a wrinkled heap of someone else’s hand-me-downs. The mixed expressions! The lack of words! The fleeting thoughts about throwing it to the grown in disgust! Weird gifts FTW.
Funny presents can be either classy or trashy, and this Vaportini deluxe kit is definitely first class. Useful for hours of amusement, you can this every single time you want to drink without the hangover.
Swanky Flask Set
Finding funny gifts for women is tougher than with guys, because, well, women are usually a tougher audience. You won’t go wrong, though, with a flask set, especially one that’s so cute! I’m not being sexist- guys are welcome to enjoy this flask too if they like, but what guy doesn’t like a liquor sharing in his girl?
Santa Pants Wine Bottle Holder
Your bottles will wassail along, singin’ a song, side by side in this Santa Pants wine bottle holder. Although silly gifts are most appropriate at drunken celebrations, these little pants will likely become a favorite piece of holiday decor. I mean, they are tiny little Santa Claus pants! What could be cuter?
Funny X-Mas Socks
Not all funny xmas gifts need to be useless. Gift your man some funny Christmas socks to keep his toes warm. To make this gift extra special get him the thin material basic ass socks because you don’t want thick socks taking up his Asics tennis shoe space. Don’t avoid any fun patterns. To find X-Mas socks you have a couple choices as most department stores carry these treasures. You can even find them online. Sometimes you can also get lucky and score a deal at the corner convenience store. Remember, nothing says “Happy Holidays” like warm feet!
Sasquatch Cocktail Shaker
Unless your gift recipient is actually Sasquatch, this cocktail shaker is way too big for one mixed drink. However, it’s the perfect fun Christmas gift idea for people who like to entertain, or just enjoy sharing a round with everyone. Please drink responsibly!
10% Off Coupon to an Out-of-Town Business
Who doesn’t love things they won’t use? Gift a coupon to an out of town business. Now the recipient probably will never use this discount card you got from your out of town adventure to buy fancy camping gear, but rather have it sit on their coffee table for a calendar year, glancing at it occasionally, and thinking of you fondly. They will also forget to take said coupon when they actually do visit the town, leaving them chuckling at their own thoughtlessness. Forget funny gifts for friends and give them something totally un-useful this holiday season.
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