Funny Drinking Quotes

27 Funny Drinking Quotes

UPDATED: Nov 3, 2021

When it’s time to deliver a toast, or make a witty comment on any occasion, you can’t go wrong with these funny drinking quotes! With funny drunk quotes from people like Dorothy Parker and W.C. Fields, to champagne wisdom from F. Scott Fitzgerald, to beer sayings from Plato, we’ve collected some of the best words on alcohol ever spoken.

Drinkers quotes range from the simple quip, to outright mantras for living life to the fullest. We hope you enjoy our favorite short drinking sayings, and please feel free to comment with a few of your own!

  1. “I like to have a martini, two at the very most. After three I’m under the table, after four I’m under my host.” – Dorothy Parker
  1. “I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.” – W.C Fields
  1. “Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.” -Drew Carey
  1. “I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.” – Joe E Ellis
  1. “I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.” – Rodney Dangerfield 
  1. “I work until beer o’clock.” – Stephen KingFrank Sinatra Drinking Quotes
  2. “Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.” – Frank Sinatra
  1. “I don’t have a drinking problem ‘Cept when I can’t get a drink.” – Tom Waits
  1. “The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.” – Humphrey Bogart
  1. “There comes a time in every woman’s life when the only thing that helps is a glass of champagne.” ― Bette Davis 
  1. “Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.” ― Ogden Nash
  1. “The best research for playing a drunk is being a British actor for 20 years.” – Michael Caine
  1. “There is no bad whiskey. There are only some whiskeys that aren’t as good as others.” – Raymond Chandler
  1. ‎”I wish to live to 150 years old, but the day I die, I wish it to be with a cigarette in one hand and a glass of whiskey in the other.” – Ava Gardner
  1. Work is the curse of the drinking classes. ~Oscar Wilde
  1. A bottle of wine contains more philosophy that all the books in the world. – Louis Pasteur
  1. Too much of anything is bad, but too much Champagne is just right. —F. Scott Fitzgerald
  1.  A woman drove me to drink, and I hadn’t even the courtesy to thank her. – W.C. Fields
  1. He was a wise man who invented beer. – Plato
  1. Men are like wine – some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age. -Pope John XXIII Oscar Wilde Drinking Quotes
  2. “Why do I drink Champagne for breakfast? Doesn’t everyone?” Noel Coward
  1. “I only drink Champagne on two occasions, when I am in love and when I am not” – Coco Chanel
  1. “Either give me more wine or leave me alone.” ― Rumi
  1. “Age is just a number. It’s totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine.”― Joan Collins
  1. “Time is never wasted when you’re wasted all the time” -Catherine Zandonella
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