Moms Can Get Crunk Too – A Mother’s Day Guide to Drinking
Moms, we all love ‘em. They nurture us, love us, and support us even when we make a seemingly stupid decision. But what we love even more than any of that is getting a glimpse into what we call “drunk mama.” I for one have only seen my type A mother buzzed three times. Once as we were sipping on Margaritas in Taos, New Mexico, okay maybe that was me though. Once when she returned from a gig my brother was playing at a bar, and once after she came home from a work event with my dad. He shook his head in amused hilarity next to her. She gets hyper and red in the face and it’s just magical. With Mother’s Day upon us it is essential to give the best Mother’s day gift, the gift of booze. So hopefully you have your brunch reservations, let’s do this!
Step one: Preparation
If you’re going to properly get crazy with mommy for Mother’s Day then you both need to be properly hydrated. Chug some water with mom at Saturday lunch and chill out for a few hours, watch Mommie Dearest together, whatever floats your boat. Hopefully you have made reservations at her favorite brunch spot for the morning after, literal Mother’s Day. Getting a spot at popular restaurants is surprisingly difficult, I once tried to do mine a whole 3 days in advance and couldn’t find anything. If the deed slipped your mind, be quick and call. Being nice on the phone may get you a coveted spot at the restaurant.
Step 2: Choose your venue
All people are different, therefore all moms are different! While some moms want to go out to the bar around the corner, other moms are more low key and prefer a laid back restaurant affair. Wherever you go, offer to buy mom all her drinks. It is her weekend after all! Splurge on her as well, she’s basically still paying your phone bill despite you being 29. The least you can do is splurge on the third cheapest wine and not that Bota crap. NO MORE BOXED WINE, EVER!
Step 3: Damage Control
Mom may be getting out of hand now, hair is in a craze, and she is laughing uncontrollably at your dad’s jokes. Literally laughing at dad jokes, you know it’s bad. Order up some waters and make sure she drinks it, when you get home fix her up a nice snack. Have a heart to heart and tuck her in just like she did for you as a kid. Okay, and on your weekends back from college. Your mom is damn goddess, make sure she keeps her demure. Knowing the class act she is, she won’t let herself get too crazy but if she does let her know you got her back!
Step 4: Recovery or Hair of the Dog (Sunday Morning – Actual Mother’s Day)
So you’re either going to pick one of two options here, you are either going to nurse mom back to health and then go to brunch, or you are going to sleep it off and go straight to brunch. If you are headed off to church then continue giving mom water on the way but not too much where she is continually getting up during the sermon. If you’re more of the sleeping in family, then bring the H20 to mom’s bedside, give her your gift and chill out for a bit. That reservation hopefully has been made, be sure to revive your mom with an extra mimosa.
No matter what you do on Mother’s day idea you decide upon, just cherish your time. Moms are the everyday hero, they’ve literally done everything for you and love you despite all those awful decisions you made, like the Tweety Bird tattoo you got in ‘03. You owe her your time. Listen to her stories, her jokes, ask her what her poison of choice was in college, and give her a damn hug.