The tent is packed up in the back of your Subaru, you have your hottest flower crown on, man bun in tow, and your ray ban glasses perched atop your nose, I don’t know, pick a thing. But sadly no precious booze is allowed in that music fest…but you don’t accept that, and you shouldn’t have to. The ability to get boozy while listening to your favorite live music should be a basic human right. Well don’t worry fellow concert goers I’ve picked up a few tricks in my ramblin’ gal days and I’m here to share my sneaky tricks with the masses. Just enjoy responsibly and don’t get caught!
1. Sunscreen & Lotion Bottles – Apply liberally into bloodstream
Although this secret flask is becoming a little more mainstream and some security channels have caught on, I think it is still always a worthy attempt. Being in the blistering sun all day is trying on the skin, bring your extremely light skin friend so there is a justifiable reason to have fifty bottles. Works like a charm. You can either make your own sunscreen flask by cleaning out an empty lotion bottle you’ve actually used (just make sure to wash thoroughly or you may end up sick, because chemicals and stuff), or you can buy a set that is all ready to be filled with some drank. We prefer buying the set, because really, who wants their rum to taste like Coppertone?
2. Water Bottles – The classic switcheroo
3. Seat Flask Sipper – Their naiveté is the butt of the joke
Butts can get sore on the hard ground or concrete bench; everyone knows that. What they don’t need to know is that what is cushioning your derrière is the sweet alcoholic nectar of the music festival gods. These clever little secret flasks are perfect for keeping your delicate behind nice and comfy while at the same time getting you sloshed. Talk about the best invention ever! This secret flask also comes in handy at football games or other sporting events when that luke warm Coors Light just won’t do.
4. Flexible Flask – Bend & twist your way into headbanging way too hard
The flexible flask is the unsung hero of the sneaky booze craze. Da real MVP if you will. My favorite strategy in particular is placing the flask(s) into a Pringles cannister. The unsuspecting security guards will think you’re just satisfying your junk food cravings and not totally using its contents for your boozy cravings instead. If anyone asks, they’ve started making liquid potato chips, they are just too un-hip to even know. Other sneaky tips on using these flexible flasks:
- Under your floppy straw hat
- In your Dr. Marten’s boot
- Rolled in a yoga mat
- Front pocket of your overalls
- Duct taped to the back of a glittery homemade sign
- Knotted inside a messy man bun
This is where your true sneaky snake creativity comes into play, have fun with it! Available in a wine bottle size, for the music lovers who prefer pinot grigio.
5. Gummy Bears – Gummies will leave them dummies
What is better than candy and liquor? I can’t think of anything either. This one is a fun way to sneak alcohol into a festival but also doubles as a fun party trick, but it does take a few days of prep. All you have to do is grab a bag of gummy bears and a bottle of your booze of choice (vodka seems to be popular). Place those alcoholic little bears into a glass container and fill the container with vodka so it is equal to the gummy bears. Cover with cling wrap and place in the fridge for three days. An occasional check up is a good idea, I recommend stirring them to avoid sticking otherwise you might just end up with a huge vodka infused gummy clump. Enjoy these responsibly because they’ll hit ya in the liver pretty fast. Imbibing too much in gummy bears will lead to this…
6. Camelback – Carry your burdens on your back
While I wouldn’t recommend this for a run or backpacking adventure, fill your camelback with clear liquor. I mean you have to be hydrated right? This trick is pretty awesome in that it essentially just becomes your own personal booze on tap situation. You’ll quickly become the cool guy or gal with the vodka dispenser. Just don’t let all the love feed your ego, this will promptly bring tons of attention to you and your “vodkaback” will be immediately thrown out of the show. If you are going to an EDM concert, you might get away with the astronaut version.
7. Oranges – Orange you glad you decided to be sneaky
This sneaky drank option is a little bit of a stretch and takes some random tools to accomplish but it’s a delicious and refreshing way to enjoy that already sweet sneaky alcohol. All you need is your booze of choice, a bag of oranges, and a syringe. Simply fill the syringe with your booze and inject it into the oranges. You could always take a more basic approach and cut up the oranges and then infuse them with vodka but one, that is more conspicuous, and two, it’s way less fun than infusing it with a vodka syringe.
8. Binoculars – They’ll never see it coming
I mean you need to see your favorite singer up close right? Every zit, blemish, and sweat drop is a must see. There should be no question from security about your need to bring binoculars to a show but if there is just tell them the zit and sweat excuse. Your weird obsession alone will make them let you go through the gate, they simply don’t want you talking to them. This awesome binocular flask allows you to fill it with two liquors so you don’t have to choose between whiskey and vodka. They’ll never see you or your booze comin’.
9. Tampon Flask – We got you covered
Now one for my fellow ladies. Men, I suppose you can use this trick too and just play it off like you’re a wonderful boyfriend who keeps his ladies feminine hygiene products on hand. These secret flasks don’t hold as much liquor as some of our other tips but if you have enough on hand they can keep you adequately buzzed all throughout the day. Let’s face it, no security guard is going to insist on inspecting your delicate lady products. They hold 2.4 ounces and look like the real deal. Bonus, you can literally take these anywhere and no one has to know, unless you want them to know, but let’s face it most of us don’t like sharing our booze.
10. Short Friend Throw – Toss aside inhibitions
Probably not the safest idea but if your petite friend has always wanted to fly now you can make their wildest dream come true. If somehow absolutely none of these other logical tricks work simply cover your friend with bags of booze taped to their body, throw them over the fence, and have them waiting for you on the other side with open arms and open flasks.
11. Bury your Booze – X marks the spot & tonic
Another long stretch, but something that has definitely been accomplished. A week or so before the festival go and bury your booze inside the to-be venue. The next problems lie in how to mark your treasure without it being damaged, as well as sneaking in a shovel and inconspicuously digging up your booze. Those tough issue will be covered in my next article titled, “How to Inconspicuously Dig Up Booze in a Music Festival”.
12. Flower Crown Filled with Vodka – Spring has sprung with vodka
I bet you never thought those spray flowers that creepy clowns use would ever come in handy, well they do. Make your flower crown out of these buggers and have yourself a nice little spray flask filled with the liquor of your choosing, perhaps elderflower liqueur. I mean if you’re wearing a flower crown you have to be down with the elderflower. You’ll never want to take off that halo of liquor goodness ever again and you shouldn’t have to!
13. Meeting a Roadie or Band Member on Tinder – Tinder your love for booze
Didn’t think you could use Tinder for alcohol peddling? Well maybe you shouldn’t think so small! This how to sneak in alcohol tip might be a long shot but in my experience there is always a random band or “I’m with the band” guy (or gal if you’re into those) They always say something like “Just in town for the night, looking for a good time” And what better time for them than sneaking booze into a show for someone? I can’t think of anything! Offer them some boozy gummies in return or a burger king coupon or something.